At night I lay on my pillow intoxicated with the vices that keep me from the abyss of the profound scrutiny that haunts my cognizance. I wonder if I am enough. Enough to whom and for what? Entirety. As God beckons clarity.
As I feel like a rarity. Am I the Grey or silver lining in the sky? Will I breakthrough or die? Can I feel the rapture? Am I his to Capture? All I can hear is a mess,drama, loud voices interjecting their skew on things. A battle with the resident evil. Loves luminous light is attenuating my logic causing great upheaval. I am strained with the indifference of my yearning with my cautious alter ego. Pining for the intangible and then here we go! If my mind be still without poison,I can feel the blood rush through my entity, my lips moisten. Will I look away or into my very soul inviting the Highest of Spirits to accompany me into the pain and let it take it's tole? Then a Standing in the face of my faults will I have the ability to reform? Can I pick up where I left off , standing facing the wind , allowing it to sting and burn my face and body so I may transform? My fights are in my own head and I am a restless soldier. I wrestle with my own iniquities. Let no other man hold me down in my own bed or his. Now Lord let me sleep and dream of heavens and pure love. Let it sustain me and hold my peace . No more counting sheep.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Thursday, August 13, 2009
memoirs
Where’s the silver lining?
Tears canvas my face like rain on an oil painting. They roll and cascade down then disapate into my olive fleshed cheeks. They are my babies: each one going in it's own direction taking a different path, coming from a different place where time is endless. Where they are produced and absorbed and then recycled and born again. They remind me of the monotony that encompasses my life. They always return and with different tails of woe but all with the same desires.
9:25 PM
June 26, 2008 - Thursday
My secret world of misery
It's no secret I guess. I try to make things better and they just never change. Why am I hitting a brick wall? Does God even care? For real. I hear people talk of healing but I'm just not there. What the Hell is it going to take? PLEEEEEEASE! I don't know what. I don't know where. I don't know how. I don't know shit!!! I just want to feel something real! Anyone feel me? ANYONE!? F--K IT!
11:39 PM
May 10, 2008 - Saturday
No chumps please!!!
If your not in my head you will never be in my bed.
My bed is only where I rest my head in solitude.
It is my choice to be my own lover.
March 29, 2008 - Saturday
Just another gripe poem:(
Current mood: discontent
Category: Life
Care is to Soil as Pain is to Dirt
It’s health is fading and plants are dying
For nothing can grow in the dirt
Love is to Water as Rain is to Hate
For Water springs up and is fresh and new
Rain is tainted with polutants and acid
Numb is to Sky as Cloud is to Deny
For the Cloud serves it’s purpose
But darken’s the light
Cave is to sex as Cavern is to sex pattern
For you can find your way out of a Cave
But you can get hopelessly lost in a Cavern
Desire is to Hope as Drug addict to Dope
For the Dope is what drives them
No matter what they lose to attain it.
Shame is to Leaves as Desire is to Foilage
For when the leaves turn , die and fall to the earth
The earth absorbes the life to start anew.
January 8, 2008 - Tuesday
It is not happening
Current mood: disgusted
Category: Blogging
I wish I could love you with passion.
I wish I could lay you like never before,
but, unfortunately there is a wall we can not ignore,
I am but yet a recovering whore,
to be at your bedside is more work than fun
I long for a kiss and a touch that is genuine
I feel that in love I should not have to pine!
I feel rejected now lets drink some more wine!
I know you are all out there so ease me I say
Move it or soothe it I say!
I know am demanding . I want things my way!
Pay no attention when I catch you off guard!
Tears canvas my face like rain on an oil painting. They roll and cascade down then disapate into my olive fleshed cheeks. They are my babies: each one going in it's own direction taking a different path, coming from a different place where time is endless. Where they are produced and absorbed and then recycled and born again. They remind me of the monotony that encompasses my life. They always return and with different tails of woe but all with the same desires.
9:25 PM
June 26, 2008 - Thursday
My secret world of misery
It's no secret I guess. I try to make things better and they just never change. Why am I hitting a brick wall? Does God even care? For real. I hear people talk of healing but I'm just not there. What the Hell is it going to take? PLEEEEEEASE! I don't know what. I don't know where. I don't know how. I don't know shit!!! I just want to feel something real! Anyone feel me? ANYONE!? F--K IT!
11:39 PM
May 10, 2008 - Saturday
No chumps please!!!
If your not in my head you will never be in my bed.
My bed is only where I rest my head in solitude.
It is my choice to be my own lover.
March 29, 2008 - Saturday
Just another gripe poem:(
Current mood: discontent
Category: Life
Care is to Soil as Pain is to Dirt
It’s health is fading and plants are dying
For nothing can grow in the dirt
Love is to Water as Rain is to Hate
For Water springs up and is fresh and new
Rain is tainted with polutants and acid
Numb is to Sky as Cloud is to Deny
For the Cloud serves it’s purpose
But darken’s the light
Cave is to sex as Cavern is to sex pattern
For you can find your way out of a Cave
But you can get hopelessly lost in a Cavern
Desire is to Hope as Drug addict to Dope
For the Dope is what drives them
No matter what they lose to attain it.
Shame is to Leaves as Desire is to Foilage
For when the leaves turn , die and fall to the earth
The earth absorbes the life to start anew.
January 8, 2008 - Tuesday
It is not happening
Current mood: disgusted
Category: Blogging
I wish I could love you with passion.
I wish I could lay you like never before,
but, unfortunately there is a wall we can not ignore,
I am but yet a recovering whore,
to be at your bedside is more work than fun
I long for a kiss and a touch that is genuine
I feel that in love I should not have to pine!
I feel rejected now lets drink some more wine!
I know you are all out there so ease me I say
Move it or soothe it I say!
I know am demanding . I want things my way!
Pay no attention when I catch you off guard!
AT
I need a spoiler!
A midnight toiler!
A crest in my groin.
The one with the platinum coin.
The one who will rescue me from sure deprivation.
The one who will give me some reciprocation..
Really I just want to pick your mind.
And a chance to help mankind.
If you are just like me,
Then join me and lets just be.
No lies no tales just keep it raw
No rules, no games, but just keep the law
The laws of love and war
but wait I want more
Keep me excited in the bed
Make it so good there are tears to be shed
Look me in the eyes and reveal
And your heart I will steal
Show me a new life
An end to all this strife
Give me a reason to serve you
A reason why you deserve to.
Kneel on the bedside and pray
That we will be together someday
I will count down
to the time when you finally decide to come around
A midnight toiler!
A crest in my groin.
The one with the platinum coin.
The one who will rescue me from sure deprivation.
The one who will give me some reciprocation..
Really I just want to pick your mind.
And a chance to help mankind.
If you are just like me,
Then join me and lets just be.
No lies no tales just keep it raw
No rules, no games, but just keep the law
The laws of love and war
but wait I want more
Keep me excited in the bed
Make it so good there are tears to be shed
Look me in the eyes and reveal
And your heart I will steal
Show me a new life
An end to all this strife
Give me a reason to serve you
A reason why you deserve to.
Kneel on the bedside and pray
That we will be together someday
I will count down
to the time when you finally decide to come around
reality
Fate is not reality.We create it with our actions.We fail often and miss opportunities for moments we thought were opportunities,Settling for whatever comes our wayThen regretting it until the end of our days.I can wish on a star or throw a coin over my shoulder but,You were never meant to be mine.Your calling is devine Whoever catches your heart I will be living vicariously through.Wishing it were me But then again, nothing is what you imagineAnd the pedestal I have you on is a fantasyNever meant for reality
3:35 PM
July 15, 2009 - Wednesday
my Friend...
I needed validation . Some reciprocation.You have seen the bad and the good.You have a way of wooing me on a level I've never been.It is a whole new experience.I love it! I just want to sit under the stars and lift up my skirt and give it all.The night sky is so beautiful why not take full advantage.I will stop here before I get myself into ttrouble:)
July 15, 2009 - Wednesday
Life on the fence... Category: Blogging
What is being good?A good little girl following all the rules.Fuck that. I say insulting things and hit you right where it hurts.I learned to fight dirty from every angle.I wish this pain would just leave me. Revenge or redemption is what I seek.Depends on which side of my being you are dealing with it.Standing in the face of my faults I lack the ability to reform.What does does it take?It is the biggest fight of my meek life.Dear God help me.Please!
11:32 PM
July 14, 2009 - Tuesday
The Butterfly with Distended Wings Current mood: bummed
Can't you see ?I am pining for you.I am crying for you.I am drowning in infatuation.All consuming another vice takes it's entrance.Same story.Can't sleep.Can't eat.Can't get enough!Damn this defective brain and soul!Can't get it but I had it.If only I would have played it cool.My obsessions, I cannot escape.I feed them until I face the inevitable carma.I want to escape to a land of love.A place where every inch of my being is admired and attended to.I am this butterfly who thinks she's a moth.A moth who thinks she's is a pupa. A pupa who thinks she's a catapillar.Then again I am a butterfly with distended wings.
3:37 PM
June 28, 2009 - Sunday
What is it?
Always the lover never the loved. She trains the eye to see her only in the light of what she perceives they supplicate. She gives herself away but never reveals her innermost consciousness. Vengeance and Redemption struggle in disputatious relation in her head. Gaining power only to lose it is inevitable when the faces of her life collide. Why does she pine for that which is intangible? She does not know her caliber nor her mark on this earth. Callous acts become a less arduous task when entrapped in her vices, though it is not innate! She takes off her undergarments and puts her clothes over her bare body. To hide the shame they represent. For she can not soil what is not there. Only soil the linens she can abscond, leaving her virtue at the door and retrieving it on the way out. What is it? Fresh face. All innocent in their eyes. They had no idea the secrets kept. Ripped clothes and desire for so much more. Animalistic, sadistic, with a heart of a romantic. She is on a mission. Her mouth is always open. She consumes those that let her taste. Who can keep up? Everywhere, there are morons not understanding what she needs. She needs to taste , she needs to fight , to pick your brain. I know this all seems insane. but who is sane enough to debate the issue? Really?! Passion, pain and pleasure unified
11:29 PM
February 17, 2009 - Tuesday
If these walls could shut up!
In these walls silence is platinum.In these walls Havoc is like lightening striking it's foundation.In these walls lead feet are Marching.In these walls tongues spew hastely and teeth bite.In these walls quarrels are volcanoes.In these walls there are too many closed doors, locked doors.If these walls could shut up and listen they could talk!
3:35 PM
July 15, 2009 - Wednesday
my Friend...
I needed validation . Some reciprocation.You have seen the bad and the good.You have a way of wooing me on a level I've never been.It is a whole new experience.I love it! I just want to sit under the stars and lift up my skirt and give it all.The night sky is so beautiful why not take full advantage.I will stop here before I get myself into ttrouble:)
July 15, 2009 - Wednesday
Life on the fence... Category: Blogging
What is being good?A good little girl following all the rules.Fuck that. I say insulting things and hit you right where it hurts.I learned to fight dirty from every angle.I wish this pain would just leave me. Revenge or redemption is what I seek.Depends on which side of my being you are dealing with it.Standing in the face of my faults I lack the ability to reform.What does does it take?It is the biggest fight of my meek life.Dear God help me.Please!
11:32 PM
July 14, 2009 - Tuesday
The Butterfly with Distended Wings Current mood: bummed
Can't you see ?I am pining for you.I am crying for you.I am drowning in infatuation.All consuming another vice takes it's entrance.Same story.Can't sleep.Can't eat.Can't get enough!Damn this defective brain and soul!Can't get it but I had it.If only I would have played it cool.My obsessions, I cannot escape.I feed them until I face the inevitable carma.I want to escape to a land of love.A place where every inch of my being is admired and attended to.I am this butterfly who thinks she's a moth.A moth who thinks she's is a pupa. A pupa who thinks she's a catapillar.Then again I am a butterfly with distended wings.
3:37 PM
June 28, 2009 - Sunday
What is it?
Always the lover never the loved. She trains the eye to see her only in the light of what she perceives they supplicate. She gives herself away but never reveals her innermost consciousness. Vengeance and Redemption struggle in disputatious relation in her head. Gaining power only to lose it is inevitable when the faces of her life collide. Why does she pine for that which is intangible? She does not know her caliber nor her mark on this earth. Callous acts become a less arduous task when entrapped in her vices, though it is not innate! She takes off her undergarments and puts her clothes over her bare body. To hide the shame they represent. For she can not soil what is not there. Only soil the linens she can abscond, leaving her virtue at the door and retrieving it on the way out. What is it? Fresh face. All innocent in their eyes. They had no idea the secrets kept. Ripped clothes and desire for so much more. Animalistic, sadistic, with a heart of a romantic. She is on a mission. Her mouth is always open. She consumes those that let her taste. Who can keep up? Everywhere, there are morons not understanding what she needs. She needs to taste , she needs to fight , to pick your brain. I know this all seems insane. but who is sane enough to debate the issue? Really?! Passion, pain and pleasure unified
11:29 PM
February 17, 2009 - Tuesday
If these walls could shut up!
In these walls silence is platinum.In these walls Havoc is like lightening striking it's foundation.In these walls lead feet are Marching.In these walls tongues spew hastely and teeth bite.In these walls quarrels are volcanoes.In these walls there are too many closed doors, locked doors.If these walls could shut up and listen they could talk!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
